How to Break The Restrict-Binge-Shame Cycle: Complete Guide

If you feel stuck in a cycle of restricting your food, binge eating, and then feeling overwhelmed by guilt or shame, you’re not alone. The restrict-binge-shame cycle is a common pattern that can be deeply distressing and confusing. This guide breaks down how the cycle works, why it happens, and how to begin stepping out of it.

Understanding the Restrict-Binge-Shame Cycle: Parts Explained

You may have heard of this cycle before, but do you know what it really means? Before I explain the cycle, I want to define the three different parts of the cycle. 

What is restriction? 

Restriction is a pretty broad term for limiting the amounts or types of foods you are eating. Most Americans have gone on a diet at some point in their lives, and therefore most Americans have probably “restricted” in some way. Here are some examples of ways people restrict themselves.  

• • • • Setting calorie limits: Limiting calories can lead people to feel obsessive about knowing exactly how much they are eating and create a disconnect between our natural hunger cues and our food choices. 
      • Cutting out certain types of foods or ingredients: Different diets encourage people to cut down on, or completely eliminate different types of foods and ingredients all the time. The Atkins diet popularized cutting out carbs, and other trending diets over the years have pressured people to cut out fats. Whether it is entire macronutrient groups like carbs, fats, protein, and dairy or something more specific like gluten or potato chips, trying to avoid these foods all together is restrictive. 
      • Fasting: People around the world fast for all sorts of reasons whether that is religious, cultural, or sometimes medical. However, fasting can also be a way that people aim to cut down on their overall intake and engage in restriction. 

It is important to understand that restriction can come in many different forms, and these are just a few examples. For some people, there can be medical reasons to eliminate foods, or engage in a fast for certain periods of time. It is important to work with your providers like your doctor or dietitian to determine if there is a medical need for any form of food restriction or limitation. Engaging in restrictive behaviors can contribute to the restrict/binge/shame cycle. 

What is binging? 

Binging is typically thought of as eating a significant amount of food over a relatively short period of time with an accompanying sense of being out of control. Binge eating can feel really stressful and lead to discomfort, negative self image, and guilt. Binges can happen alone or with others present and the perception of what feels like a binge can vary from person to person. Sometimes binges start when someone is feeling hungry, or sometimes they start with no physical hunger at all, but they can almost always be linked to some form of restriction.

What are shame and guilt? 

This might feel obvious, because shame and guilt are feelings we have all probably felt about something in our lives. Maybe it was food related, or something else entirely that made us feel these uncomfortable emotions. Shame can be described as a painful feeling that we are flawed and unworthy of love. It is different from the feeling of guilt which comes from feeling self-conscious after thinking we have done something wrong or failed to meet some standard. Shame and guilt are the emotional drivers that keep people stuck in the binge/restrict cycle. 

Restrict-Binge-Shame Cycle Explained

The binge / restrict / shame cycle can feel like an endless loop of repeating the same behaviors over and over again. The cycle often goes like this: We set a goal to restrict ourselves. Maybe we are doing it because we want to lose weight, or because we want to feel healthy, or we are looking for a change and controlling our food seems like a way to do that. Diet culture is constantly selling us the idea that we will be happier if we are thinner, so it makes sense that restriction sounds like a good idea when we are starting out. This starts to become a problem as our brains eventually begin to crave the thing we have been avoiding. When we under eat, or avoid certain foods, it is human nature for our brains to start to crave the foods we haven’t allowed ourselves to have. This can lead us to constantly think about food, which can feel really distressing. Then at some point the “self control” breaks and we give into the craving. This is when we binge. Your brain is trying to make up for lost time with the food that was off limits. After we binge, then comes the guilt and shame. People often blame themselves for not being able to have enough self control to maintain the restriction, when in reality the restriction was always going to be unsustainable. Out of guilt and shame, people often return to the idea of restriction as a way to feel in control again, and so the cycle repeats. 

How to Break the Binge-Restrict-Shame Cycle

Breaking this cycle starts with understanding that binge eating is not a personal failure. Our bodies need food to survive! When your body is not getting enough food or enough consistency, it responds by increasing hunger, cravings, and food thoughts in an effort to protect you from starvation. Restricting after a binge can feel like a way to regain control, but it often keeps the cycle going.

Healing focuses on supporting your body rather than fighting it. And this process takes time. Here are a few ideas to keep in mind to break the binge-restricted shame cycle. 

1. Eating regularly and adequately throughout the day 

a. Eating consistently helps calm physical hunger and over time reduces urges to binge.  In our experience, clients who binge are actually heavily restricting food throughout the day. Despite the fact that diet culture says bingeing is a “willpower” problem. Restriction is often overlooked when clients report bingeing and it can be helpful to work with an eating disorder dietitian to assess whether or not you are eating adequately throughout the day.

2. Letting go of rigid food rules and working toward a more flexible relationship with food.

a. This can also ease guilt and shame over time. Many people tend to binge on food that they consider “bad for them.” It might sound counterintuitive to liberalize eating and incorporate foods you binge on. In fact, this can be really scary at first. But, over time, these binge foods will become an enjoyable part of the day instead of all consuming. At Courage to Nourish we follow an intuitive eating model. Our clients find it helpful to discuss these ideas and explore how food can become less overwhelming. 

3. Therapeutic support:

a. In addition to working with an eating disorder dietitian it can be helpful to talk about underlying causes of bingeing with a therapist. A lot of people who binge are using food to numb, cope or feel. 

b. With support, it becomes possible to respond to urges with compassion and curiosity instead of returning to restriction.

Next Steps to Break the Cycle

Thank you for reading through this guide on How to Break The Restrict-Binge-Shame Cycle. This cycle can feel impossible to get out of, but a registered dietitian can help you break out of these patterns by helping you learn how to adequately nourish your body in a way that feels good. In working with an eating disorder specialized RD, you can talk through some of the reasons you feel the need to restrict your food, figure out what is leading to binges, and learn to work through the feelings of guilt and shame you have experienced after a binge.